3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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