if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
