if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
