I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
