did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
