Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I've blown a few things in my day
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
