And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize