i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
