We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize