also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize