Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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