I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
