I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
