I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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