Sorry, I don't speak sober.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
