hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I will die if light touches me.
just tell him i said nine months
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
