Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
