what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
