I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize