I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
