why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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