Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
