I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
