I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
