I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
