Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
