he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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