My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
