Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
