u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
