My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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