Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
