hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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