btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
