I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
