i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
