The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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