At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
