You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
