i barfeds in our rink
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
