I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
