And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
