Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
