My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
