I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you had me at cake vodka
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
