Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
