the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
