We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
