I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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