when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
