i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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