I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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