Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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