She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
