i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
