We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
