I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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