I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
