the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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