My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
