I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
