i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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