It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize