Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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