Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think a kid would responsible me up
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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