just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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