You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
