No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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