my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm bleeding and have questions
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
