As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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